tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-57786815296814297932024-03-13T06:37:40.154-04:00hwan.comHwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.comBlogger254125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-1438670248654590302024-02-24T11:50:00.002-05:002024-02-24T11:50:19.511-05:00fifty is the number<p>I turned fifty last month. We had a small party with old faces, lots of laughs, and, at least for me, a reminder of the life I had before the pandemic, before having a kid, before my <a href="https://hwandot.blogspot.com/2016/08/a-vicious-cycle-comes-to-end_27.html">colon surgery</a>. That is to say, a good time, and I hope to have many more like it.</p><p>I do feel older, in practical, daily ways. For one thing my eyes have gotten much worse over the past year, so bad that I find myself looking over my glasses to look at my phone. My skin is just ravaged by this dry winter air, well beyond anything I'd ever experienced. A lifetime of neglect and sun-exposure has finally caught up to me.</p><p>While I'm not exactly getting heavy I have noticed a softness building up around my torso. So over the past few months I've taken to doing modified burpees as my daily exercise and have been pretty happy with the results. I do them in small bursts, HIIT-style, and that seems about the pace I can afford, both on a time and energy level.</p><p>I do try to play video games but I definitely find myself getting bored of them a lot faster. So many games, so little time, perhaps an embarrassment of riches. Where is the joy in a thing unearned?</p>Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-30119545132226661362024-01-22T22:11:00.001-05:002024-01-23T17:04:55.267-05:00father<p>My dad has three to six months left to live.</p><p>My sister and I got the news over the weekend, preceded by a discouraging call from my mom saying she had some "news" about my dad. It turns out that the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brachytherapy">brachytherapy</a> he'd started last year (as the laser ablation treatments were proving less and less effective) had greatly damaged his liver and that the cancer was now spreading rapidly. I could immediately tell, as we all sat at the kitchen table, that my parents had some serious things to say. I sensed a slight jump in my heartrate but didn't find tears until later that night, my eyes closed and hearing nothing but death's door hovering closer and closer, now more tangible than ever.</p><p>My dad was very calm about delivering his sentence -- to him, these past 27 years with liver cancer were all a bonus on top of the life he'd already had: growing up in a Japanese-occupied Korea, escaping the violence of the Korean War by travelling south by train and leaving behind family and friends and pets, building a life from the piles of rubble that became South Korea, working for the US army (as librarian and interpreter), marrying my mom and moving to Canada with a fresh baby boy, and starting a new life in Toronto, first as factory workers and laborers, starting a corner store franchise (yeah), starting a computer store business, and finally retiring to days of golf and cruises.</p><p>Eight-five is a respectable number of years to reach, is what I tell myself. I will try to make the most of the time we have left but it's so soon, too soon. How can I sleep when all I hear is that door? We all must pass through it, the deep darkness, and I hear its empty howl straight into my heart, my inside me. I suppose I too have outlived my personal tragedies, and will likely outlive this one. It's natural to survive your parents and I wouldn't have it otherwise (the pain they felt when I was in emergency is too much to bear) but still my dad's approaching death hangs heavy.</p>Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-65877197929349897282023-12-23T23:39:00.002-05:002023-12-23T23:39:31.652-05:00Watching stuff and such<p>I <i>mostly </i>enjoyed The Last of Us' first season though there were lots of changes that irked me, such as the portrayal of the self-sustaining commune and the isolated couple.</p><p>I know it's late but maybe a quick rundown of recently consumed media is called for?</p><p></p><ul><li>House of the Dragon (Season 1): Pretty good. Much more palatable than Game of Thrones, feels a lot less sensational.</li><li>The Banshees of Inisherin (2022): I enjoyed it, sure. Seems I'm still squeamish, even now.</li><li>Better Call Saul: Excellent, top tier stuff. The Lalo stuff was a bit overwrought but seeing Jimmy and Kim struggle to make it really hit hard.</li><li>Invincible (Season 1): I really liked it but I wish they'd used different actors -- having recognizable voices is distracting.</li><li>The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (Season 1): Awful, just terrible. Feels like a kids show written by an AI -- most of the parts are there but overall doesn't make sense, like drowning in a feverish dream. The dialog is super awkward. Couldn't finish it.</li><li>Andor (Season 1): My first watch had me stop after a couple episodes as I found it too simple, too unbelievable. This year I was convinced to give it another chance and indeed, it gets a lot better. Probably the best Star Wars media I've ever consumed, which maybe is saying a lot. It does provide a lot more context and gravity to Rogue One, another excellent Star Wars film.</li><li>Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023): Eh.</li><li>Barbie (2023): I want to say I loved it but the hype was a lot more than the experience proved to be.</li><li>Castlevania: Nocturne (2023): Maybe not as good as the original but still top tier stuff.</li><li>Cobra Kai (Season 1): I really tried to like this and maybe I'll give it another go but the acting and plot are a bit cringey, a bit janky.</li><li>Sex Education (Season 4): Another Netflix treasure in a sea of dreck. Consistently worth watching.</li></ul><div>Honestly, I spend a lot more time watching YouTube than movies these days. So much media, so little time...</div>Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-87315219924875088832023-11-30T13:35:00.000-05:002023-11-30T13:35:58.507-05:00Yo<p>So yeah, I continue to float and bob along with the tides of 2023.</p><p>The initial shocks and surprises of owning and maintaining a house have mostly dimmed themselves into the background, a hum that periodically bumps into shape, sometimes scary, sometimes less so. I am hopeful for a more relaxed December.</p><p>Sora is growing so fast, it’s really true what they say. I do miss her being a little peanut but I’m routinely amazed by her development. And as she gets bigger I find watching over her a lot less draining, a lot more interactive.</p><p>I’ve started watching a lot of chess and thinking about chess. I’m still quite terrible, laughably terrible. I am curious to know if I can get Sora into it.</p><p>I played and loved Lies of P, definitely my favourite game this year. Diablo 4 was disappointing and Starfield was just so tedious and dead. I am currently really into Sekiro, a game I’d always wanted to try. I do wonder how many more years I can play these flicky-reaction games.</p><p>Speaking of years, my eyes are totally bad!! This last year has been particularly hard on them. Maybe I need to give up looking at screens, my video days behind me.</p><p>How about that genocide in the Middle East?? Awful. Really makes plain what our “democracy” is worth.</p>Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-13306305846353102532023-03-29T00:23:00.004-04:002023-03-29T00:23:55.111-04:00Enter Whitby<p>So yes, the move happened, and like all moves was a haze of mind-numbing packing, desperate rushing, meals on the run. We hired help to pack and move, which really, is the only option, but the experience remained a heavy energy drain. MJ and Sora stayed at the apartment while I got the cats accustomed to their new home. I'd anticipated that the larger space would ease their stress, and it has measurably, but not as as completely as I'd hoped -- they remain aloof at best to each other.</p><p>How's Whitby, you ask? While my bitter disappointment of moving out of Toronto has lost the worst of its sting, the wound is reopened whenever I go outside, whether to walk the missing sidewalks, or ride the infrequent buses, or drive the inscrutably clogged roads. We're located on the edge of the downtown, such as it is, which simply highlights the slapdash zoning and lack of any kind of urban planning. <a href="https://www.whitbylibrary.ca/" target="_blank">The library is really nice though</a>.</p><p>We are mostly settled: The boxes are gone, the furniture built, the routines re-established. How is already almost April? It seems the days slip through my fingers, and few things fit my fancy anymore, whether for lack of time or energy.</p><p>OK, with that out of the way, I'll post again soon....</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-77648111021190011672022-12-01T23:33:00.007-05:002022-12-01T23:33:57.778-05:00Peterborough<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1uK7DHsRI2eZWHWCNSo02x-NM9KZS_2TEgH0rBUgxKsXlpRRWeYUiGCHY2m0mip3a5MjvIyKjuyClA4dQCimv0YA0usPXIGRQ2ZwUDkz_tFT5F43w4BQMvC-iDq2ke9a3eymtzZHdGBFfKQIsIJD5DHDKyV0K58FPfqLHU2jNOBODu1jFjf0-wzdh2g/s4032/IMG_7911.HEIC" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Sora standing in front of some flowers." border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1uK7DHsRI2eZWHWCNSo02x-NM9KZS_2TEgH0rBUgxKsXlpRRWeYUiGCHY2m0mip3a5MjvIyKjuyClA4dQCimv0YA0usPXIGRQ2ZwUDkz_tFT5F43w4BQMvC-iDq2ke9a3eymtzZHdGBFfKQIsIJD5DHDKyV0K58FPfqLHU2jNOBODu1jFjf0-wzdh2g/w150-h200/IMG_7911.HEIC" width="150" /></a></div>Back in September we took a family trip to Peterborough -- a sort of holiday for Sora and I and a regular work day for MJ. I guess I must be getting old because I found the 2+ hour drive draining, a real slog. The Prius is a pretty comfortable ride but my body complains from sitting that way for so long.<p></p><p></p>Arriving in Peterborough, my first time, felt both familiar and strange. I could see how the freshly resurfaced downtown attempted to hide some dusty history, bringing to mind the downtowns of Kitchener and Guelph, which I guess makes sense as this is another university town: The same 60s low-rise downtown, pockmarked with signs of poverty, the same pre-war homes, many chopped into multi-unit rentals, the same bafflingly congested roads that compete with inadequate public transit.<p></p><p><a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=best+western+otonabee+inn">Our hotel</a> was located just outside the downtown and served well enough. Sora found the experience exhilarating, excited by the new bed, a new room with just mama and papa. We ordered some Greek takeout, very mediocre, before retiring.</p><p><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigSEuHIuGC6ec_0zGJEW6aDqCsHLeeSidS-Kk1_DjZgVvJU7hofW0N1aW_BW0uZXyecaxt2A6WyUZh8Vm3VcH7ESxFRdAxb75ouBMbU3p8bKmjdvjO2OHdCu0zpmu38Xx5vFYGYHhxPnnqyElFVNUCe-0CtKrPigZQA4iFbO9ZTBH4aWrty75l2vEpgA/s4032/IMG_7926.HEIC" style="clear: right; display: inline !important; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img alt="Sora writing on a chalk board." border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigSEuHIuGC6ec_0zGJEW6aDqCsHLeeSidS-Kk1_DjZgVvJU7hofW0N1aW_BW0uZXyecaxt2A6WyUZh8Vm3VcH7ESxFRdAxb75ouBMbU3p8bKmjdvjO2OHdCu0zpmu38Xx5vFYGYHhxPnnqyElFVNUCe-0CtKrPigZQA4iFbO9ZTBH4aWrty75l2vEpgA/w150-h200/IMG_7926.HEIC" width="150" /></a>MJ got up early to take a taxi to work, allowing Sora and I to pack at our leisure. After enjoying the complimentary breakfast we took in a couple nearby public parks, including a playground littered with dubious artifacts: a computer missing its outer case, a soiled mattress, the scattered remains of someone's wallet, some improvised crack pipes. Sora of course did not recognize these for what they were and indeed largely ignored them, her focus on the play structure.</p><p></p><p>We caught up with MJ after her class for a meal but Trent's campus is a bit of a food desert in terms of options, offering little to Sora tastes, being a rather finicky eater. The trip to the Peterborough zoo mollified her disappointment somewhat, though the otters were not out that afternoon, a bright and sunny one.</p><p>The drive back was uneventful other than losing the battle against Google Maps' adamantly directing me back to the main highway, despite all my attempts to take the scenic route.<br /></p>Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-32802112748318083912022-06-07T00:59:00.000-04:002022-06-07T00:59:02.138-04:00We are COVID<p>It may have been an inevitability but the truth of experiencing it was no less upsetting — our family caught COVID back in April, a punishing trial affecting each of us differently. For me it ramped from a mild cough to a day of chills and aches, unable to function outside of the barest of essentials; a week later it had exited my system, a brief but fearsome storm.</p><p>During my downtime, confined to my bed, I managed to catch up on Game of Thrones, the ending for which I had never seen, and had managed to avoid spoiling. How it came to mind I don’t recall for I had all but forgotten it after Sora’s birth/the pandemic’s rise; certainly I found it engaging enough to finish, even after all this time. I still find its extreme physical and sexual violence difficult to sit through.</p><p>And speaking of difficult to sit through, how has Ontario decided to re-elect Doug Ford. How. True, the alternatives were not particularly palatable — Del Duca? And Horwath? What a woeful state of affairs! It seems we really have gotten used to murderous neglect of the old, the vulnerable, the unlucky. My blood would boil if I weren’t already so tired.</p><p>On the upside, MJ has gotten herself a tenure-track job, a light amidst our darkening skies. Unfortunately it’s located in Peterborough, of all places, so we will likely be moving outside of the city before year’s end. Where exactly is yet to be determined but just the thought of leaving fills me with a certain dread and sadness. I suppose it’s also an opportunity but I am fairly certain I will miss the city’s many familiar comforts and modern facilities. Just the FEEL of Toronto will be missed. SAD.</p>Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-51577184244908177562022-03-03T23:28:00.003-05:002022-06-03T16:43:37.647-04:00Convoy-age<p>I absolutely hate how the world is shaping up, just a frog boiling slowly in greed, misinformation, and lack of critical thought. I don't think I've said it here but as a former member, the skeptic movement has been an abysmal failure, handcuffed by the notion that one can think and live purely on logic like some alien creature, free of "human" feeling. How absolutely frustrating it is to have the right answers but not willing to use one's voice. I frankly pity and loathe them.</p><p>I wrote the above back in February, when the "Freedom Convoy" was honking its way into everyone's ears, eating up media time and darling to anti-mandate-minded small business owners. And now it's March and Putin has decided to start a land war with Ukraine, threatening nukes and all, hundreds already dead, fascists looking to see how to fill in the power gaps. For once America's wolf was real, though it seems not of the mind to really do anything about it outside of sanctions. Yet. How it plays out remains to be seen but it's undeniable that many more civilians will suffer.</p><p>And while COVID continues to mutate and Omicron's numbers begin to drop, Doug Ford has decided to drop vaccine passports and loosen mask restrictions. It seems we're becoming more and more comfortable with the death of the vulnerable, the aged, the innocent. I think I remain sane but it's quite the horrorshow, doomed to rolling the dice with every strain.</p><p>Elden Ring! I heeded its call and have begun my descent, a transformation, and embrace, accepting madness to avoid madness. I admire its purity, its demand of perfection and attention.</p>Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-86920916612237613202022-01-06T23:30:00.001-05:002022-01-06T23:30:10.766-05:00Happy birthday!<p>2022. Fun to say and hard to believe. The pandemic continues as Omicron crashes across the country. Sora's daycare had an outbreak over the holidays so we've extended our stay at my parent's home. Though it's not our childhood house, it contains enough relics to cast a haze of memories over me whenever I'm here.</p><p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjHSlXtzOxRu1XKeU-wssXYs-S3lqYnVajDda2AMnq8iUaV4JU9RJVpvb4SM4Hl-Op54TnhE8g7oeVLGGbVpOFuvRTukAgAz2eyS76XdjbEhK0ntQOcEze-PaUc55s5vVMckD6zlAhTcFpsDRC7UehVZOqd4Nla_sD-fkaUDwfEgGkFQkNMCNa0a6GGkA=s3088" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3088" data-original-width="2316" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjHSlXtzOxRu1XKeU-wssXYs-S3lqYnVajDda2AMnq8iUaV4JU9RJVpvb4SM4Hl-Op54TnhE8g7oeVLGGbVpOFuvRTukAgAz2eyS76XdjbEhK0ntQOcEze-PaUc55s5vVMckD6zlAhTcFpsDRC7UehVZOqd4Nla_sD-fkaUDwfEgGkFQkNMCNa0a6GGkA=s320" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hwan and Sora</td></tr></tbody></table>2021 has passed, one day melting into the next. We've so far managed to avoid catching any of the 'rona, though to be sure we've had more than our share of colds and flus as Sora builds up her resistances through the daycare. It has kept our fall months especially busy, with barely time to recreate.</p><p>We did manage a trip in August to Saskatoon to see MJ's family, bathing ourselves in the dry prairie heat. Despite the stress of pandemic travel and it being our first flight with Sora the trip went without incident.</p><p>I watched a fair bit of Netflix last year, and maybe I'll review in another post. In terms of video games, not much went on... at least, not much by my usual marks. I did start <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=everdale+mobile+gam">Everdale</a> and <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=clash+mini+mobile+game">Clash Mini</a> on my phone, but I don't see myself keeping with these long-term. As good as these games are at distracting me from my bowel pains, I grow weary of their grindy nature.</p><p>And yes, I continue to struggle with my diet and bathroom issues.. it seems my stomach remains sensitive, after all these years. I do take some drugs to help cope, but I wonder how long this war can continue, unceasingly flipping between peace and flareups.</p><p>I'll try to make it back here soon. Watch this space!</p>Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-18463577438270036622021-04-03T22:05:00.001-04:002021-04-03T22:05:27.703-04:00gadget tears<p>In the early days of the pandemic, before the quarantine took hold, I ordered a pair of wireless earbuds, “Klipsch T5 True Wireless Headphones”, reasoning that since I liked their wired headsets the wireless ones must be decent too. Well, after a year of use I will say that the audio quality is good but overall this was a very disappointing purchase:</p><div><ul><li>The buds are hilariously large, and while they do fit in my ears they stick out like Frankenstein’s bolts, and snag when I remove a mask or change my shirt etc.</li><li>Despite their size, they only have one button per bud, and this button is placed so that it’s frustratingly easy to accidentally play or pause by mistake.</li><li>The buds have these intense blue LEDs that you cannot configure in any way. Particularly annoying since I primarily use them at night while everyone else is asleep, but it’s also not great when I’m out and about, blinding passing strangers.</li><li>But my number one beef with them is that they are constantly losing their connection to my phone or each other. About half the time when I take them out of the case I have to reset them to connect with my phone. Sometimes one bud will just turn off. It’s bad enough that I’ll sometimes not bother with them if I’m only planning on watching something for a few minutes.</li></ul><div>The other tech purchase I made over the pandemic was an Apple Watch, the SE with GPS. I’ve had a few episodes where my heart rate jumped around quite a bit over seemingly mild physical activity, and so I thought it’d be useful to have something to monitor my pulse. After the initial excitement I’ve cooled quite a bit over the watch, which replaced my trusty Pebble Time.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>My main beef with the Apple Watch is its lousy battery life, about 100 hours. It sounds like a lot but for its size and heft I’d expect to charge only once or twice a month. After checking the time and notifications, my top use is the timer function, which really helps with meal prep. Though when I think of it this way it seems I didn’t get my money’s worth.</div><div><br /></div><div>Haven’t been doing much reading since my last update. Slowly making my way through <u>The GoldFinch</u>, which I’ve mostly enjoyed — the writing is delicious but the story and main character I am thus far ambivalent about, and I’m about 60% of the way through.</div><div><br /></div><div>Game-wise, I am having a blast with Valheim. I was never a fan of Minecraft’s aesthetic and Terraria’s control-system was a real slog for me — Valheim seems to have hit the sweet spot for myself and many others. There’s something very satisfying about setting up a new camp in an unexplored land. I do find death in the game to be absolutely punishing though.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-28447957431272110432020-10-26T18:07:00.002-04:002020-10-29T12:13:18.923-04:00The Outer Worlds is awful, we are bonedI rather thought the Outer Worlds to be absolute shit, and am bemused by how little people who review it seem to care that it's such a terrible game. I had expected a fun Fallout-esque romp in space but the experience felt empty, the characters completely charmless, the environments tiny and unimaginative, the action bland and forgettable. Truly, a game built by many committees and little love. <div><br /></div><div> I felt much the same about Far Cry: New Dawn, but at least the maps and places were memorable and the characters have defining features that made you interested in what they had to say. My main beef was that the plot didn't make sense. That, and the awful A.I. Is having smart scripted enemies just too much to ask? Did we peak with Half-Life 2? Why do combatants have to shout their intentions and actions? </div><div><br /></div><div>Well, that's what you get when you don't update your blog in a while -- outdated video game opinions.</div><div><br /></div><div>How am I doing? Uhm, we're still under quarantine so that's still hanging over our heads. The daughter is growing pretty rapidly it seems to me, nearly walking, nearly talking. I've been spending more time with my parents, who still manage to surprise me with their reactionary views and casual racism. I mean, I guess it goes with the life they've had but I'm still not really used to it. Not that I had much of a sense for politics when I was younger; indeed, I myself could've been considered rather conservative until my early adulthood, and even then I was just another finger-wagging liberal, no class consciousness, no analysis beyond the surface.</div><div><br /></div><div>And though I've grown (or so I like to think), it seems the world has not much changed. Sure, we have computers in our pockets and social media reminding us to look at those computers. But is the world as a whole any better from 10 years ago? 20? No, it seems lessons have not been learnt, history has not been heeded. We can't even get people to wear masks during an infectious pandemic.</div><div><br /></div><div>Basically, we're boned. If we can't get people to do something so easy, so obviously in their self-interest, what hope is there to turn the tide against climate change? I mean, yeah, of course I'll keep resisting and pushing to avoid that fate. But it's not looking good, and I feel bad for those who'll inherit this mess.</div>Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-29811145768773311232020-09-19T23:02:00.000-04:002020-09-19T23:02:11.114-04:00ACAB's LadderThis year is certainly moving at a brisk pace -- a US drone strike against Iraq, Bernie Sanders gaining steam in the Democratic primaries, COVID-19 and quarantines, Bernie suspending his campaign, an economic recession, a global backlash against police violence, second waves of infection and now the grumblings of the US election. I do hope that we see some lasting change, some momentum towards improving people's safety and inequality in general. This would be contingent on organizing the tangible fervor, lest it fizzle with exhaustion and ineffectual half-measures.<div><br />On the one hand, the reaction to COVID has been a rather sad display of the lack of trust in science and epidemiologists, of the speed at which conspiracies flourish, and the partisanship of public health recommendations (<a href="https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2013/apr/30/conservative-us-shoppers-turned-off-eco-lightbulb" style="text-align: left;">a known phenomenon</a><span style="text-align: left;">). On the other hand, as a whole we have been successful in participating in the largest voluntary health action in history, a cooperative activity that has </span><a href="https://news.berkeley.edu/2020/06/08/emergency-covid-19-measures-prevented-more-than-500-million-infections-study-finds/" style="text-align: left;">likely saved millions of lives</a><span style="text-align: left;">:</span><div><br /></div><blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><i>“I don’t think any human endeavor has ever saved so many lives in such a short period of time. There have been huge personal costs to staying home and canceling events, but the data show that each day made a profound difference. By using science and cooperating, we changed the course of history.”</i></div></div></blockquote><div><br /></div><div>So I think there's still some hope, but we definitely need to keep rowing towards shore.</div><div><br /></div><div>I went back to work last week and it's really like riding a bike! A bike that I have to ride, not really one that I want to. Of course in this case I'm working from home, as many of us are, and I do miss the routine of going to work and keeping that environment physically separate from my home one.</div></div>Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-34725266128893632422020-06-20T23:41:00.000-04:002020-06-20T23:41:37.639-04:00Quarantines Gone WildOntario has begun phasing the opening of businesses, and certainly it seems like people are going back out there in search of the new normal. Combined with the lack of contact tracing, I think we can expect a second wave of cases and deaths in a couple weeks. I've read that the modest drop in the rate of new cases can be attributed to institutions - <a href="https://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2020/05/23/far-more-ontarians-are-catching-covid-19-in-community-settings-than-previously-known-star-analysis-finds.html">their wave has passed but the broader public's still going up</a>.<div><br /></div><div>Not much new to report from our household as I continue my parental leave/quarantine. The ants are back. Our bird-feeder is very popular and I've seen some cardinals and rose-breasted grosbeaks. Sora is basically crawling, and her first two teeth are peeking out. My health is coasting along -- not great, not terrible, some nights better than others. Quality sleep still manages to escape me, there being so much to do all the time.</div><div><br /></div><div>I have been getting a fair bit of reading done, mostly fiction.</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><i>The Golden Compass/The Subtle Knife/The Amber Spyglass</i> by Philip Pullman. Really enjoyed this fantasy series following a talented, strong-headed child as they get pulled into an adventure spanning multiple worlds. 4/5</li><li><i>Warlight </i>by Michael Ondaatje. Beautifully written story of a life told in two parts -- as a child missing his parents and later as an adult, piecing together the mystery of his mother's role in World War 2. 4/5</li><li><i>Red Mars</i> by Kim Stanley Robinson. I find I cannot recommend this epic, insightful, incredibly detailed and well researched novel enough. Forget this <i>The Martian</i> snack -- <i>Red Mars</i> is the meal deal for a thorough thought experiment into how a colony on Mars would play out. 5/5</li><li><i>The Metamorphosis</i> by Franz Kafka. Young man is stricken by an unforeseen, debilitating condition that requires his family to care for him, which conflicts with their and society's expectations of his role as provider. 3/5</li><li><i>Ubik </i>by Philip K. Dick. I especially enjoyed that the main character had to plead with his appliances and doors to provide services, as they were on a pay-per-use system. That and the idea of keeping dying people alive in a semi-frozen state, allowing them to slowly talk to people. 4/5</li><li><i>Norwegian Wood</i> by Haruki Murakami. I didn't know that this was the popular novel by Murakami, whose work I relish. It keeps similar themes to his other works but without the magical realism or violence. 4/5</li><li><i>The Vegetarian</i> by Han Kang. Awful, just absolute dross. It is a sad state if this work is representative of the coming generation of writers. Or am I wrong in its base, childish treatment of mental illness? 1/5</li><li><i>Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage</i> by Murakami. Twenty years after his high school friends shunned him, Tsukuru confronts them one by one. One of Murakami's weaker works, with a more than usually weak-willed protagonist and frankly one-dimensional women. 2/5</li><li><i>Moonshot </i>by Richard Wiseman. I always enjoy Wiseman's books, with their tidbits and trivia into human psychology. Unfortunately I somehow also forget the lessons given. 4/5</li><li><i>Kafka on the Shore</i> by Murakami. Young Kafka runs away from his father but is pulled back by a curiously familiar woman and a fateful painting; simple Nakata helps people find their cats but is himself pulled to perform an important task taking him far outside his little world. 4/5</li><li><i>Salt</i> by Mark Kurlansky. Reading about the history of salt and its role in commerce and food was interesting but the text was rather dry and lifeless, as if I'd read the result of someone spending hours and hours scouring a library. That is to say, without a broader context I often found the trivia rather unsatisfying. 3/5</li><li><i>Killing Commendatore</i> by Murakami. An artist is pulled into a mystery when he finds an ominous painting in the cabin he's renting. Some truly chilling and exhausting dream-like sequences. 5/5</li><li><i>Two Years Before the Mast</i> by Richard Henry Dana Jr. Fascinating memoir by an undergraduate joining a ship's crew as a common sailor, traveling from Massachusetts to California in 1834 to 1836, with intimate and very human detail. 5/5</li><li><i>Sputnik Sweetheart</i> by Murakami. Shorter Murakami work, with lots of unresolved ends. K is in love with Sumire, a writer, who is in love with the older Miu, a business-woman. K joins them on their vacation and is tasked to solve a serious mystery. 4/5</li><li><i>Thunderer by</i> Felix Gilman. I overheard this title on a video podcast, and as such I do not remember the reason for its mentioning, or even if it was indeed recommended. Nevertheless I enjoyed this story of a magical, almost steampunk city, full of ragamuffins, ruffians, heretics and minor gods, and the attempt by an outsider to understand it. 4/5</li><li><i>The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle</i> by Murakami. This tome was originally three books and so is a lengthy read when combined. As unemployed Toru and his wife Kumiko begin to grow apart, a search for their cat leads Toru to become involved with several extremely particular women. It's a tale far too strange to condense easily but it contains many of my favorite Murakami themes including traveling between worlds in suffocating dream sequences. 5/5</li></ul><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-81342253332895262702020-04-06T23:30:00.001-04:002020-04-06T23:30:10.740-04:00on parental leave, social distancingWell, it's certainly been an exciting few weeks since I last updated! Just when I was really hyped on the US Democratic nominations, COVID-19 rolls in and now we've passed through into a totally new world, a reset of global events. My hope, beyond seeing the curve flatten, is that people learn some lessons on politics, capitalism, epidemiology, statistics, and basic hygiene. Certainly it seems that everyone has an opinion on how things are being handled/mishandled by our governments.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YeuN4fUKypY/XovuLu_l-gI/AAAAAAAARtM/nkZ3KAo4hHwrwE_vz-ZvuKehZCQIMdQ5QCKgBGAsYHg/s1600/IMG_3741.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Hwan bottle-feeding Sora." border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="200" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YeuN4fUKypY/XovuLu_l-gI/AAAAAAAARtM/nkZ3KAo4hHwrwE_vz-ZvuKehZCQIMdQ5QCKgBGAsYHg/s200/IMG_3741.HEIC" title="Hwan bottle-feeding Sora." width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">On the bottle</td></tr>
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I started <strike>social</strike> physical distancing back on March 12th, as MJ had pointed out then how important getting ahead of the virus was, in particular to keep it away from Sora. My work is mostly doable from home but the less than ideal setup makes it a bit of a pain. I definitely miss having a large choice of convenient lunch and snack options. How strange to think that a month ago I was on the TTC going about my day, living my life, washing my hands only after using the bathroom.<br />
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On March 30th I started my parental leave, coinciding with MJ's return to work (albeit from home), so I've been spending most of my day caring for the baby -- playing with Sora, carrying her around, changing her diaper etc. It may sound like I have a lot of free time but in reality I only have a couple hours to myself at night, and only after cleaning the kitchen, tending to the cats, and whatever other chores are outstanding for the day. So the days fly by pretty quickly. I do get some reading done but flipping through the news and social media is the most I can hope for.<br />
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I did start playing <a href="https://store.steampowered.com/app/632470/Disco_Elysium/" target="_blank">Disco Elysium</a>, which is one of the greatest games I've played in a long while. I'm only a few hours into it but I love everything about it -- the themes, the art, the writing, the voice-acting. I suppose, at its base, it is a point-and-click adventure, but the fleshing out of the world and characters is really impressive, with lots of smart dialogue options that can give one pause to reflect. Perhaps not everyone's cup of tea as there are pages of history and details to digest but I find it very nourishing, a welcome escape.Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-44049742794120376882020-02-27T00:38:00.001-05:002020-02-27T00:38:21.945-05:00Day by dayHola The days pass by pretty quickly, each moment slipping by. There is some routine to my week, as you can see:<br />
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08:00 Get up, feed the cats, make breakfast (usually oatmeal with toast), get dressed.<br />
09:30 Catch the streetcar, check e-mail.<br />
10:00 Work — meetings, more e-mail, programming, reviews.<br />
13:00 Lunch, sometimes with friends but often listen to a podcast.<br />
14:00 More work. Usually a bathroom break.<br />
18:00 Head home, play Hearthstone on the streetcar. Pick up groceries.<br />
18:30 Help prepare dinner and/or watch Sora. Eat and catch up with MJ.<br />
20:00 Bathe Sora, prepare her for bed by rocking her to sleep.<br />
21:00 Clean kitchen, sterilize baby stuff. Clean kitty litter.<br />
20:00 Evening ablutions, check Twitter, watch Netflix or YouTube.<br />
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Pretty hum-drum stuff. Seeing Sora is an absolute joy, to be sure, but I’ve little time for much else as you can see. This may change in April when I take my parental leave for five months, which I cautiously look forward to.<br />
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My condition hasn’t really changed but I suppose my ability to manage it has improved. I go to the bathroom around 4-6 times a day which is still quite a bit but I don’t feel too fatigued anymore. I even manage to get some exercise in a few times a week, which is something. Still taking pain killers though I am pushing myself to taper off.Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-53465733469974759022019-09-11T00:13:00.000-04:002019-09-11T00:14:17.337-04:00SoraMary Jean gave birth to our daughter at Sunnybrook hospital last Thursday morning, two weeks earlier than the estimated date. We had made arrangements to have the birth at the Toronto Birth Centre but the intensity of the contractions combined with the slow progress forced a trip to the hospital. The actual act of delivery was unexpectedly quick, a comically sudden arrival of a vernix-covered tiny alien, an event I nearly missed by taking a bathroom break at what I thought was an early stage.<br />
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We spent the next three days in the hospital as they monitored Sora's various vitals, and in particular her blood sugar and red blood cell count. MJ practiced her breastfeeding skills and I attended to her needs, both of us running on adrenaline and the jolt of being parents earlier than expected. I also got to practice my sleeping-in-chair skills, something I probably haven't done since my days in university. Being away from home, away from my comforts, was actually quite bearable -- we had a go-bag full of supplies and the hospital had a reasonable food court. Only a couple times did my condition really bother me.<br />
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Back at home, our days are starting to fall into a routine -- MJ does the feeding and co-sleeping of Sora, and I prep our meals and keep the rest of the house running. My family has been supplying us with meals and I haven't yet stepped outside the apartment. Fatherhood does make every living moment different, but I suspect being at home makes it feel less intense. Certainly, the way I see the world is colored by Sora's existence, and I grieve for the condition of it in which she'll grow up.<br />
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In other news, I might be coming down with something...!Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-82863474132229614292019-03-18T01:07:00.001-04:002019-06-20T13:37:48.834-04:00flu means animeLast month I came down with a terrible flu. I wondered where I could've picked up such a punishing version of the virus. Wherever it came from, it hit me hard, forcing me to spend several days in bed, weak and feverish. With my appetite so affected my usual meal regime was thrown out the window, and my trips to the bathroom were more uncomfortable than usual. I had such a bad cough that I ended up going to a walk-in clinic, getting some heavy duty cough medicine and an inhaler to stave off pneumonia.<br />
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In those moments of wakefulness, between sips of tea and soup, I found myself turning to old anime. Namely, I watched Hikaru No Go and Great Teacher Onizuka again. Oh, how it does bring me back. The voice acting in both of these series is really quite excellent. And the music! Haha oh man it brought a smile to this old brain.<br />
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Out of curiosity, I started reading the Hikaru No Go manga, and so far it's been a real treat, seeing the source for the anime. I think I can recommend both to pretty much anyone dipping their toes into the mediums. It's also gotten me thinking about playing go again, though I remain terrible at it, despite my various attempts at learning over the years.<br />
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In preparation for the movie, I also started reading Battle Angel Alita and I gotta say, it's really not aged well. At least, not aged well for me -- young me loved seeing Alita fight her way up the Spire (and beyond) but adult me wants to throw the whole thing into the sun. It's just so stupid, so clearly written by someone obsessed with guns and martial arts and disembowelments and constructing thought experiments. I don't think I have anything in particular against thinking about artificial situations but there needs to be some plausibility to it, to the environments that brought it about -- what Battle Angel Alita asks you to swallow is far too much. For example, there's a character that can experience the history of anything he touches, and in one scene he gains the skills of a sword’s original wielder by holding it -- this is homeopathy for touch, and it's truly one of the dumbest things to pivot a plot around.<br />
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The movie was also shit, and not because of those big dopey eyeballs.Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-61438552515460758972019-02-28T01:00:00.001-05:002019-02-28T18:26:10.127-05:00reading here and thereIt occurred to me, some time last October, that I used to really enjoy reading. That is, I hadn't read a book in a long time, and I did not really have an excuse. So I looked up how to read library books on my iPhone, installed Libby, got my library account re-activated (I had applied for one many years ago but it had expired from inactivity), and have been burning my way through books, my appetite much returned.<br />
<ul>
<li><i>The Nutmeg of Consolation</i> by Patrick O'Brian. Still a classic to my heart, an excellent appetizer easing me back on the reading track. I don't think I could ever tire of this series. 5/5</li>
<li><i>Annihilation </i>by Jeff VanderMeer. Superbly written, I so enjoyed the film that I was pleased to find that the novel gave so much more. Sublime, thoughtful narrative. 5/5</li>
<li><i>Master of the Senate</i> by Robert A. Caro. I only made it through a 1/4 of the 1200+ pages before I had to return it but that was enough to convince me that this was a historical work worthy of its many accolades. An efficient, dense tome.</li>
</ul>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<ul>
<li>The Senate, William S. White, the body's most prominent chronicler, wrote in 1956, is "the South's unending revenge upon the North for Gettysburg." Not just revenge, <i>unending</i> revenge.</li>
</ul>
</blockquote>
<ul>
<li><i>A Great Deliverance</i> by Elizabeth George. A great disappointment, how such dreck makes it to the best-seller's list is beyond me. While individually the characters are not so terrible, having them all together was simply too much to take. An unsatisfying mystery of shallow, absurd characters. 1/5</li>
<li><i>Flow My Tears, the Policeman Said</i> by Philip K. Dick. I'd read this many years ago and remembered liking it. Certainly the world-building is a delight -- typical Dick stuff. What I didn't recall was the heavy sexism, and the main character being such an arse to everyone around him. 3/5</li>
</ul>
Becoming so enamored with reading on a device but tired of straining on a small screen, I asked my family to get me a Kobo Clara HD e-reader for Christmas*, which is now a constant companion.<br />
<ul>
<li><i>The Outsider</i> by Stephen King. Was King always this bad or did my tastes change so? While the build up to the mystery was intriguing, the beginning interviews were rather tedious and the ending anticlimactic. Also, he falls in love? Really? 2/5</li>
<li><i>Kill All Normies</i> by Angela Nagle. Biting political commentary and eye-opening history lessons, relevant to a pre- and post-Trump world. 5/5</li>
<li><i>The Marrow Thieves</i> by Cherie Dimaline. Riveting, plausible post-apocalyptic story set in Ontario. 4/5</li>
<li><i>The Tethered Mage</i> by Melissa Caruso. I can't remember who suggested this one but I found it a bit too much of a child's story for my liking -- overly tidy, the love story uninspired. 3/5</li>
<li><i>The Martian Chronicles</i> by Ray Bradbury. This did not age well. I couldn't finish it, saw no reason to do so.</li>
<li><i>1Q84</i> by Haruki Murakami. About half-way through and loving it. Every word finely crafted, every sentence manicured for maximum impact. Unforgettable.</li>
</ul>
I also, as many of you do I'm sure, have a stack of books that I am <i>very</i> slowly making my way through. Currently I'm on <i>The Chimps of Fauna Sanctuary</i> by Andrew Westoll, a gift from my father-in-law. It's really quite decent, slowed only by the details of the atrocities those poor animals have suffered through at people's hands.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">* Kindle doesn't directly support library loans.</span>Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-18999232456991163282019-01-17T00:41:00.002-05:002019-01-31T14:25:46.199-05:00AndrewAndrew passed away on January 4th after a battle with nasopharyngeal cancer. It was a surprise to us, his university friends, a passing shot fired over e-mail, apparently nearly a year since his diagnosis. Those that could visited him at his house, his frame weak and thin, weighed down by the cancer, drugs, and radiation therapy. He kept a brave face, a rather deceptive face in hindsight.<br />
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I last saw him on December 12th, about a week before heading to Saskatoon for Christmas. At the time a small thought entered my head, that this could be the last time I'd see Andrew but I quickly dismissed it as we talked of foods he could try and measures he could take to make living at home safer. I was back in Toronto on the 31st when we got word that he had been moved to palliative care and would no longer be taking visitors, a concerning sign but even then we thought he still had a few weeks left, maybe even months.</div>
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<div>
His memorial was on January 12th, in Scarborough near his father's home, and I was heartened to see that it was well attended by family, friends, and coworkers, both current and old. I finally got to meet Andrew's sister, a figure whom he'd never given much detail about -- she seemed nice and appreciated everyone's sentiments. Andrew's father looked much the same though I felt like he did not recognize me. I was happy to see some of the old gang back together for the memorial. I gave a short speech which probably covered about 1% of all the things I could say about him, though of course I left out the stuff I nagged him about like climate change and Jordan Peterson.</div>
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<div>
Honestly I feel like I'm still processing Andrew's death, as if he's too fresh in my mind's eye. Not that I talked to him much in the past year, a fact that I lament somewhat now, though I suppose I was busy with my own medical and life goings-on. And certainly our personalities had diverged, something I credit to the different circles we frequented and relationships (or lack thereof) we were involved in.</div>
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<br /></div>
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But that he's no longer around is unreal to me. I can still hear his voice, hear his stifled laughter, see his grimacing smile. I will miss him, certainly, but he continues to be very much alive in my mind.</div>
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Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-19506653407336093282018-12-20T11:20:00.000-05:002018-12-20T11:20:16.091-05:00a literal pain in theHow is it already December 19th? Yeesh. And it seems my aim of writing more posts this year has been a failure, a goal that kept getting pushed aside as life threw more things my way. Sure, a lack of discipline can also be blamed, but so can simply having very few tales to tell. And that's due to my disinclination to going out, being shy about breaking my routine and leaving my rather comfortable base.<br />
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MJ and I did go to Tokyo in September, which I'll write out in full later. A mostly enjoyable trip, memories that are still rather fresh in my mind's eye. I'd never had a strong desire to visit Japan, and I still find it odd that I was there, among the throngs of conservatively-dressed, impassive citizens, along spotless avenues and riding equally spotless subway trains. I'd say the highlight was a bicycle tour which took us through and around the downtown, the city being fairly amenable to cyclists. People talk about how good the food is, but I wonder if those people have taken advantage of the best Toronto has to offer.<br />
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When we got back MJ received news that she'd contracted a disease for which she needed surgery, so we've been dealing with her recovery, as well as attempting to plan for the future with what little we know. And a veterinarian visit revealed that Monkey also needed surgery, albeit a far less serious dental procedure, so that also added to our daily duties for a while.<br />
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Myself, my condition seems to have pretty much leveled out, a dismal molehill with little hope of much more. While I've gotten the hang of my diet, I still suffer in small bouts; nothing nearly as dreadful as my colitis pains but inconvenient enough to keep my ambitions low and spirit wan. The pain I experience can be of 3 types:<br />
<ol>
<li>A dull, throbbing pain in my groin, which began happening after my J-pouch connection surgery, leading me to think the operation brushed a nerve in the area. It seems to occur after using my pelvic muscles, or when I'm trying to hold my bowel movement for an extended period. In terms of intensity it's relatively low but it's enough to disturb my sleep.</li>
<li>Going to the bathroom 5 to 6 times a day can take its toll on the skin, and mine is pretty aggravated on a good day, and explosively agonizing on bad ones. That's definitely something I miss about Japan -- why doesn't the world embrace water toilets?! I don't know how people with my affliction manage without one.</li>
<li>Often the urge to visit the bathroom comes with cramps, unpleasantly bundled with a not insignificant threat of an embarrassing breach.</li>
</ol>
<div>
I manage with diet, and a couple pain killers when I know I need some extra protection.</div>
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Anyway, I'm off now to Saskatoon for a week. More when I get back, yeah?</div>
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Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-37743299214419900772018-08-21T00:25:00.002-04:002018-11-20T20:56:43.844-05:00Back in the saddle<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-phQSAbry5AI/W3uQR_EkS9I/AAAAAAAANaI/DAiNit9ajaEGvz4v5lU3XeFKuSqn8eUnACKgBGAs/s1600/IMG_2157.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Halifax Public Gardens" border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="150" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-phQSAbry5AI/W3uQR_EkS9I/AAAAAAAANaI/DAiNit9ajaEGvz4v5lU3XeFKuSqn8eUnACKgBGAs/s200/IMG_2157.JPG" title="Halifax Public Gardens" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Halifax Public Gardens</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Mary Jean got a post-doc in Halifax, and I spent a couple weeks there helping her get settled in. My expectations of the east coast were rather limited*, so I'm glad to have filled some of that in. Indeed, the more time I spend there the more I find myself enjoying Halifax, with its coastal charm, walk-able downtown, and many sprouting districts. As a small city (~400k people), it fits that desirable niche of being large enough to have the amenities of a modern city without the daunting issues of a bigger one.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tl9Io5FKvpY/W3uPv0RA8yI/AAAAAAAANZ8/KeMjvyoaDXAm5wmOOCX6fM31H5uPyduSwCKgBGAs/s1600/IMG_2022.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Halifax Central Library" border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="150" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tl9Io5FKvpY/W3uPv0RA8yI/AAAAAAAANZ8/KeMjvyoaDXAm5wmOOCX6fM31H5uPyduSwCKgBGAs/s200/IMG_2022.JPG" title="Halifax Central Library" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Halifax Central Library</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
My second week there was during an unseasonal heat wave, and while MJ worked I sought shelter in the beautiful Halifax Central Library, an impressive structure that embodies the coming together of civic will, a common good that all can enjoy, a modern structure that makes the most of efficient technologies.<br />
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I also got to get re-acquainted with some old friends, some dear faces whom I'd never forget but have not thought of for some time since they left Ontario. A joy re-remembered.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PQr4KyuGqNk/W3uTjv3Y4fI/AAAAAAAANaU/RkYBP_0MVBYc0QsVWM5YVGzkR-KUHQV0QCKgBGAs/s1600/IMG_2070.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="Halifax Town Clock" border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="150" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PQr4KyuGqNk/W3uTjv3Y4fI/AAAAAAAANaU/RkYBP_0MVBYc0QsVWM5YVGzkR-KUHQV0QCKgBGAs/s200/IMG_2070.JPG" title="Halifax Town Clock" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Halifax Town Clock</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
But how am I doing, you may well ask? I suffer in small bouts, a few moments of each day are maddening trips to the bathroom, the panic of being far from a good toilet always just under my awareness. It seems my body has settled, more or less, on 5 or 6 sessions a day. I still enjoy food but the consequences of even seemingly small mistakes can have long lasting effects. Being at work is good because it gives me a routine, which is something I'd like to hammer down. I worry about my weight (which is light) and my energy level (which is low).<br />
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Video games and Twitter help to distract, keep my mood neutral. Is this all I can look forward to? I shall continue to contemplate....<br />
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* I had <a href="http://hwandot.blogspot.com/search/label/Boston">driven around the US east coast</a> back in 2010, but somehow those experiences didn't translate into a vision of what Nova Scotia would look like.Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-4531030267819741242018-03-15T23:34:00.001-04:002018-03-15T23:34:08.603-04:00Lots of NetflixOne might think that with my two months off of work that I had a lot of free time to kill. In truth, however, when I was experiencing discomfort or pain, I turned to Twitter and simple mobile games to keep my mind occupied, and continue to find myself leaning on them to distract me at various times throughout the day.<br />
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I did watch some Netflix:<br />
<ul>
<li>Disappointed by season 2 of <u>Stranger Things</u>, which makes me think season 1 was perhaps seen through rose-colored glasses. A little too goofy, with side-plots that did not pay off.</li>
<li>Thoroughly enjoyed the <u>Fargo</u> the series -- Billy Bob Thornton opposite Martin Freeman, who'da thunkit? Second season was weaker overall, but still enjoyable.</li>
<li><u>Inside Llewyn Davis</u> -- I must be missing something because while it contained many of the ingredients I like this Coen brothers film just did not do it for me. Maybe they are not very good at all?</li>
<li><u>Big Mouth</u> -- Watched this one on a whim and it surprisingly tickled me in the right places.</li>
<li><u>Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2</u> -- Again, it felt like I should've liked this one more but I just was not that impressed. It's a just a little too smug in its self-awareness.</li>
<li><u>Train to Busan</u> -- A decent take on a zombie film.</li>
<li><u>Bridesmaids</u> -- Holy cow I finally saw Bridesmaids! I used to be a big fan of Kristen Wiig, and I recall being excited to see this one. But I guess my tastes have changed, or maybe the film was never really all that? It was ok.</li>
<li><u>Shrek</u> -- MJ convinced me to check this one out, if only to take in such a well known film. I don't think it stood the test of time very well.</li>
<li><u>Narcos</u> -- Excellent, if depressing to think about. How oblivious I was to this chaos!</li>
<li><u>Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency</u> Season 2-- Possibly better than season 1? Random, unpredictable, over-the-top fun.</li>
<li><u>Fullmetal Alchemist</u> (anime TV series) -- This one to fill in holes in time, usually enjoyed while eating. I mean, it's definitely a kids' show, and the premise is ridiculous. I don't suggest anyone get into it.</li>
<li><u>Brooklyn Nine-Nine</u> -- Funny enough. Maybe I'm unable enjoy police humor?</li>
<li><u>Black Mirror</u> Season 4 -- A couple good episodes and a bunch of terrible ones. Like, I regret seeing them, and not simply because they were physically disgusting.</li>
<li><u>Midnight Diner: Tokyo Stories</u> -- The comparison to <u>Tampopo</u> is fair, and that's a good thing.</li>
<li><u>Okja</u> -- Another good idea well implemented but ultimately not satisfying.</li>
</ul>
<div>
Day to day, I fare well enough. Things have settled down, almost into a routine. My exciting improvements have leveled off. I seem to be having difficulty gaining weight, which is not helped by my shrunken appetite. I look forward to being more active, something I imagine happening during the warmer months.</div>
Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-57772832657677885732018-02-01T00:01:00.002-05:002018-02-01T00:01:38.690-05:00the other sideWell, I made it. The surgery itself was a success, and I remember the day vividly -- the thin hospital gown, the cold floor through flimsy slippers, the narrow operating table, the oxygen mask placed moments before I was put under. I spent a couple days at the hospital, tentatively trying foods (and sometimes failing to keep them down) and calling for pain medication. A couple friends visiting, holding my spirits up.<br />
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I was, for the first few weeks, going to the bathroom around 15 times a day, including a few trips overnight, which thoroughly disrupted my sleep schedule. After a while I kind of got used to waking up in the dark of deep night, hardly a thought in my head. My father was able to jury rig my toilet seat bidet, a puzzle that neither my friends or I could solve, and it made an enormous difference in my bathroom comfort level. Indeed, I now find using non-bidet toilets a delicate operation at best, excruciating at worst.<br />
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I had a brief hiccup in my recovery in mid-December, when my nausea prevented me from being able to keep solids down for a couple days. I went back to emergency and, while waiting for various tests, had an extreme nausea reaction to the dye they had me ingest, and I sprawled on the hospital floor for a good hour or so until the doctor took some mercy on me and sought out some pain relief. Frustrating that I should still have these bouts, that after everything I've gone through they remain in my life.<br />
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I am doing much better, now. I got a prescription to Lomotil, which has reduced my number of trips to the bathroom to about 4-8 a day. I am getting good sleep, and my appetite is pretty healthy. I have changed my diet to the recommended low fibre one -- lots of carbohydrates and protein, no raw fruits or vegetables, no nuts, etc. No alcohol, though I haven't been much for drinking over the past couple years.<br />
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I returned to work this week, and it's going alright. Still trying to build a new routine around my medication and diet and bathroom breaks. I find I have bursts of energy and optimism, which is a start.Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-38710553288528566932017-11-16T15:57:00.002-05:002017-11-16T15:57:54.367-05:00now to the other sideSo, I have the second half of my pelvic pouch surgery tomorrow, where all my fears and hopes of the past year will be realized, the real work of recovery to begin. Today I consume only fluids in preparation, to slow my digestion and keep my insides clear. How much more misery must I endure, must I weather, before I learn how near I return to normalcy? I cannot help but contemplate the sequence of events that led here, and what, if anything, could have been done differently. I say this because I continue to believe that the outcome I fell into could have been avoided.<br />
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Which is not to say I blame any one individual, or even any single event. Sure, my troublesome journey seemed to have begun with my taking of naproxen for my knee, prescribed by the sports fitness surgeon. And perhaps, as my Colitis ramped up, I should’ve made my worries more pronounced, demanded greater intervention, from my gastroenterologist, who in turn could’ve ordered more accurate tests sooner. How much responsibility can I place on those emergency ward doctors, who wanted to help when I came to them crying in agony, who eased my pain but little else, for fear of working against my specialist? So you see the blame, the responsibility, is much diluted. I feel no ill towards anyone but do hope to perform better in seeking timely solutions.<br />
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Well, we shall see. How mad, how close to wits end will I approach, how near utmost despair shall I go? At least I have that brief sleep to look forward to, that moment’s respite in limbo, between not knowing and knowing. Were that I could inhabit it forever.Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5778681529681429793.post-58266167491001966912017-10-19T00:03:00.001-04:002017-10-19T00:03:36.349-04:00Winnipeg for a weekMJ ended up taking a post-doc position in Winnipeg, so it's back to a bachelor's life for me. I helped her move last month, a couple of cold and rainy days there. I remember nearly nothing of my previous visit to Winnipeg, many years ago, on a drive to Vancouver. I didn't get to see much of the city last month either as moving and shopping took up nearly all of our time, the stress of moving stretching everyone's patience.<br />
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I went back again last week and helped out with Thanksgiving dinner, which we had with her family. This includes her sister's cat, from whom I got some nasty scratches, he being young and easily excitable. MJ and I ate really well during the days following, trying out some of the trendier eateries, racking up the calories. I also got to see a presentation given by Kent Monkman at the Winnipeg Art Gallery, which was fascinating and sobering as he meticulously unwrapped the layers behind his work. MJ was able to get me a bicycle, so we saw a fair bit of the downtown that way, the Windy City earning its alias.<br />
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The people were plenty friendly, and the traffic tame by Toronto standards -- hardly any use of car horns, though grid-lock seemed ever present. Most of the park-land was around the rivers and the Forks, a location made into a tourist area, though I saw little draw of going there -- it seemed like any other river. Sure, it's a sight to behold when immersed in autumn colours but not exceptionally so.<br />
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I have been throwing myself into work and video games, there being only the cats to keep me company in the evenings. My next surgery is quickly coming up, an event for which I wonder how ready I am. Perhaps I am just filling in the time until then, when my fears and hopes are answered in full. Though indeed whenever I think about what I've gone through I'm sent through a maddening cycle of anger and despair.<br />
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<br />Hwanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07086152929351048687noreply@blogger.com0