Reflecting on Vipassana
Well, it's been over a week since my Vipassana experience. Adequate time to analyze my state of mind and mood. Simply, I only feel slightly different. See, I've been, of late before the retreat, constantly trying to calm my temper down which flares frequently at work. Not because of the work itself (not lately anyway, now that I have a pretty good grip on what I'm doing) but rather due to the after hour gaming sessions, usually xbox gaming and StarCraft. Not in a terribly serious way, but enough that afterwards I had to pause and ruefully reflect on how I felt.
And it happened again today! Oh dear. So, perhaps thinking 10 days of meditation would help is a bit much. But again, am I different? I think yes, very slightly so. My perspective is clearer, I think. I am more inclined to believe the meditation did some good, which is practically the same as it being true, no? I'm afraid I haven't been keeping up with the mediation itself. I did fix my eggtimer page so that I had an easy way to time my meditation sits, but have only so far used it twice. Maybe nothing has changed at all.
In any case, I will continue with my discussion of my time at the Vipassana retreat. I'll talk now about the stay and the environment instead of the technique.
My lodgings were a grave disappointment. I was not made for the outdoor life. Sure, this was something like camping, but when camping you have the camaraderie of friends, the tactile enjoyment of cooking your own food over a fire, the pleasures of the outdoors to soothe over any gripes one may have with one's sleeping environment. Here there was no such balm, and every night I begrudged the cabinette that was to be my home for 11 nights, a choice (over taking up a spot in the comparatively hotel-like residence) I both rued and lamented.
My needs are simple enough -- for example, windows. Oh, we did have a view of the outdoors, but the only shield over our windows was a screen, letting wind and sound pass easily into our homes and over our faces. Going to bed at 9 PM meant the evening was still warm to only require a sheet of cover before dropping to sub-ten degrees come 1 or 2 AM, at which time you'd wake up shivering to zip up your sleeping bag only to be less than amused at 4 AM when the wake-up bell was rung. A Hwan without sleep is not exactly in a peaceful state of mind.
I wasn't ready for the bugs. I mean lots of bugs. The bathhouse, inexplicably, has an unused swimming pool behind it, which is covered in a tarp covered in puddles of water -- mosquito central. Unwilling to use my supply of DEET every day as I do not much care for spraying myself in chemicals, I ended up giving lots of blood. At first I avoided killing the little jerks, but by the end I would slay those that dared to come into contact with me.
The food was vegetarian and for the most part tasty, but by the third day I dreamt of beef and chicken and spices and BEER, of all things. For breakfast one could serve oneself oatmeal, stewed prunes, congee, whole wheat toast, and fruit. Very nutritious but it was the same for all 11 mornings and was hard to enjoy with the lack of sleep banging about my head. Lunch (the other meal) was varied -- I recall pasta, curries, soups, and noodles, always accompanied by the same salad choices. There was both coffee (instant, blargh) and tea, but for the most part I drank water.
Speaking of which, I started to become nauseated by the fourth or fifth day. I worried that it was the old colitis coming back, as it often does during times of duress. And I wondered how long I would be able to hold out this time, far from pain medication and the comforts and ease of being at home. But no, it turns out I was dehydrated. Or at least, that's my theory, because after I started drinking a lot of water the nausea seemed to pass. I had been avoiding drinking much water for fear of my bladder bothering me while meditating, a foolish notion thinking back on it now.
As mentioned, I lost about 8 lbs, noticeably from my behind. Less calories and less exercise, that'll do ya. I haven't really been eating piggishly since, though I probably overdid it the day I returned. Oh, to quench my gluttony!
There were about 20 males and 30-35 females who took the course. We would see each other in the main meditation building (which was much like a large portable from high school), but otherwise we were separated. The days started at 4:30 (with the first wake up bell at 4), breakfast at 6:30-8:00, lunch at 11:00 to 13:00, and a tea break (fruit and whatever drink) at 17:00 to 18:00. Bedtime at 21:30. The rest was hour upon hour of meditation, with a video discourse at 19:00, which ran about about 60 to 90 minutes.
My mood began poorly, mostly due to my cabin and the bug thing. On the night of day two and three I was very strongly tempted to leave, mad at the conditions that were preventing me from sleeping well and getting rest. Oh, did I mention that there was a frog living in the shower?? Yeah, little things like that. My physical low point was the nausea and the lack of air conditioning in any of the buildings but the meditation hall and there it wasn't too strong. Still, I'd say that my "wall" was that second and third day. I kept thinking, "How am I going to endure eight (or seven) more days of this?" That final day seemed so far away, and I felt like a prisoner counting the days of his sentence.
After that, I pretty much resolved to stay, even with those trying Sittings of Determination. On the ninth day I was very ready to leave, and lost focus during meditation more often with each session.
Whew! I think that's about it. If I were to do it again (and I'm not saying I would), I would definitely opt for living in the residence over the cabins. I would also only do this in the winter months, to avoid the mad bug situation. Bugs... why can't they just leave us alone?
And it happened again today! Oh dear. So, perhaps thinking 10 days of meditation would help is a bit much. But again, am I different? I think yes, very slightly so. My perspective is clearer, I think. I am more inclined to believe the meditation did some good, which is practically the same as it being true, no? I'm afraid I haven't been keeping up with the mediation itself. I did fix my eggtimer page so that I had an easy way to time my meditation sits, but have only so far used it twice. Maybe nothing has changed at all.
In any case, I will continue with my discussion of my time at the Vipassana retreat. I'll talk now about the stay and the environment instead of the technique.
My lodgings were a grave disappointment. I was not made for the outdoor life. Sure, this was something like camping, but when camping you have the camaraderie of friends, the tactile enjoyment of cooking your own food over a fire, the pleasures of the outdoors to soothe over any gripes one may have with one's sleeping environment. Here there was no such balm, and every night I begrudged the cabinette that was to be my home for 11 nights, a choice (over taking up a spot in the comparatively hotel-like residence) I both rued and lamented.
My needs are simple enough -- for example, windows. Oh, we did have a view of the outdoors, but the only shield over our windows was a screen, letting wind and sound pass easily into our homes and over our faces. Going to bed at 9 PM meant the evening was still warm to only require a sheet of cover before dropping to sub-ten degrees come 1 or 2 AM, at which time you'd wake up shivering to zip up your sleeping bag only to be less than amused at 4 AM when the wake-up bell was rung. A Hwan without sleep is not exactly in a peaceful state of mind.
I wasn't ready for the bugs. I mean lots of bugs. The bathhouse, inexplicably, has an unused swimming pool behind it, which is covered in a tarp covered in puddles of water -- mosquito central. Unwilling to use my supply of DEET every day as I do not much care for spraying myself in chemicals, I ended up giving lots of blood. At first I avoided killing the little jerks, but by the end I would slay those that dared to come into contact with me.
The food was vegetarian and for the most part tasty, but by the third day I dreamt of beef and chicken and spices and BEER, of all things. For breakfast one could serve oneself oatmeal, stewed prunes, congee, whole wheat toast, and fruit. Very nutritious but it was the same for all 11 mornings and was hard to enjoy with the lack of sleep banging about my head. Lunch (the other meal) was varied -- I recall pasta, curries, soups, and noodles, always accompanied by the same salad choices. There was both coffee (instant, blargh) and tea, but for the most part I drank water.
Speaking of which, I started to become nauseated by the fourth or fifth day. I worried that it was the old colitis coming back, as it often does during times of duress. And I wondered how long I would be able to hold out this time, far from pain medication and the comforts and ease of being at home. But no, it turns out I was dehydrated. Or at least, that's my theory, because after I started drinking a lot of water the nausea seemed to pass. I had been avoiding drinking much water for fear of my bladder bothering me while meditating, a foolish notion thinking back on it now.
As mentioned, I lost about 8 lbs, noticeably from my behind. Less calories and less exercise, that'll do ya. I haven't really been eating piggishly since, though I probably overdid it the day I returned. Oh, to quench my gluttony!
There were about 20 males and 30-35 females who took the course. We would see each other in the main meditation building (which was much like a large portable from high school), but otherwise we were separated. The days started at 4:30 (with the first wake up bell at 4), breakfast at 6:30-8:00, lunch at 11:00 to 13:00, and a tea break (fruit and whatever drink) at 17:00 to 18:00. Bedtime at 21:30. The rest was hour upon hour of meditation, with a video discourse at 19:00, which ran about about 60 to 90 minutes.
My mood began poorly, mostly due to my cabin and the bug thing. On the night of day two and three I was very strongly tempted to leave, mad at the conditions that were preventing me from sleeping well and getting rest. Oh, did I mention that there was a frog living in the shower?? Yeah, little things like that. My physical low point was the nausea and the lack of air conditioning in any of the buildings but the meditation hall and there it wasn't too strong. Still, I'd say that my "wall" was that second and third day. I kept thinking, "How am I going to endure eight (or seven) more days of this?" That final day seemed so far away, and I felt like a prisoner counting the days of his sentence.
After that, I pretty much resolved to stay, even with those trying Sittings of Determination. On the ninth day I was very ready to leave, and lost focus during meditation more often with each session.
Whew! I think that's about it. If I were to do it again (and I'm not saying I would), I would definitely opt for living in the residence over the cabins. I would also only do this in the winter months, to avoid the mad bug situation. Bugs... why can't they just leave us alone?
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