Tuesday, August 03, 2010

breaking up

Numb, emotionally numb, as if all my body were frozen; every beat, held in time. I fought the long fight but in the end I succumbed and I feel the end is very near. The future now lays before me like an empty road, desolate, unknown, I stare at it through dry, blinking eyes. I commited relationship suicide, for lack of a better term. I'd always imagined myself to be brave and strong but I see more clearly now, clearly do I see the coward and weakling I inhabit. However, now that I've stepped on this path I must see it through to the end; going back is to return to a larger abyss.

Who knew love could be so painful, so terrible? I'd not believed it until now, now that I've experienced the strange and the unexpected, the impossible to otherwise know without passing through it, a scathing and burning. In the end, was it me that I ran from, from my own crimes of heated passion, my inability to maintain full control of my faculties at all times? I feel changed, to be sure, but did I learn the lessons that mattered most? How will I handle the next such hazard? Or am I too old, too set in my ways, to change and adapt? That, my friends, is the greatest fear of all; to be the dinosaur, the relic, the stone that lies dead.

No comments:

Post a Comment