Monday, August 08, 2016

Back in the zone

I don't remember having to deal with such incredibly strong musical hallucinations the last time I was sick with colitis in the hospital. I really think I would, as it's currently driving me quite mad -- I keep hearing the same lame guitar riff fading in and out, some tired 80s rock ballad that is better left on tape. It is of course just my hearing's interpretation of the constant fans in my room, but the illusion is so damn convincing. And it is keeping me up, alongside the bubblings in my abdomen and the prednisone sweats.

Yes friend, I have once again tread back onto that murky path of pain, nausea, suffering, insanity that is ulcerative colitis. That I find myself so deep inside makes one's spirits fall, that all light should shudder so suddenly, so fully. The same disdainful nurses, the same apathetic system, the same curious doctors and their repeated questions -- all have passed before me as they do now, and having done so does not make the repetition any easier.

But sure, there is something in knowing that it can be passed, as remote a solution that may seem to me now, pumped full of drugs and finding relief fleeting and mixed. My life is put on pause elsewise -- dearer friends I do not know have helped keep my activities in order, as I continue to writhe and struggle to breathe, to push the pain out of my body like some spectral invader.

I remember missing food. Ye Gods, how I have squandered my daily calories on rot and fodder not fit for people. Surely there is a better way to learn this lesson?

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