Dear customers who write in to support

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Dear customers who write in to support,

Here are a few simple points that I, as a technical analyst, have come to appreciate when hearing from you. It makes our job a lot easier, and in turn you'll get a faster response and a quicker resolution.

1. Do not threaten us with "Tell me the answer to this, or will I go to your competitors." That's an excellent way to piss us off. We do not need business with jerks. People like you who think you're the center of the universe are generally more trouble than you're worth to us. We will not care if we lose your business.

2. If I suggest something to you, THEN YES TRY IT. I do not have the time to build an entire project based on the vague description you've provided me with. If you are too scared to try my snippet of code, go to Jail and do not collect $200, because chickenshits like you obviously have no business in this game. Life is harsh; programming, doubly so.

3. When I ask for your code, please do not send a screenshot of it. It's text data, and is somewhat useless to me as an image. While not as annoying, sending your code in a Microsoft Word document is also fairly dumb. If your e-mail client does not allow you to send .cs or .aspx files, change the extension to something meaningful. This isn't rocket science, it's not that hard to fool the filters. Continuing on this, I believe you when you say you saw an error -- you do not need to send a screenshot, which, by the way, is of little use to me except as an indicator of your brain-level (i.e. not very high).

4. Bugs happen. We're sorry but they do. Don't get flustered because you managed to break our software by using it in ways we never imagined, let alone tested.

5. Be descriptive. Saying "There's a bug in your control, please fix it." is not very meaningful. Those of you who are not only descriptive but also send us precise instructions on how to reproduce the issue receive our blessings and thanks.

Ok, that's enough for now. For those waiting, yes, I'll get around to posting those videos -- it took most of yesterday to upload them. I want to write up some comments too.

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