hwan.com

Mimi has been sick for over a month now, her incontinence laying her low for hours at a time, our house undergoing waves of spot cleaning and stained laundry. She's had multiple examinations and an ultrasound revealing several "moderately prominent mid-abdominal lymph nodes", so she may have "chronic inflammatory enteropathy" (CIE, updated term of IBD). This past week we've had her on hydrolyzed food, prednisolone, and vitamin shots, and are really hoping this passes.  Myself I have been pushed to my limit scrubbing floors, wiping walls and wet-vac'ing carpets and furniture. The problem, for us, is that when she has a BM her instinct is to run, run, and keep running, leaving a trail of evidence for us to find in the morning, like a violent crime scene, only instead of blood it's a sticky, stinky brown goo. Last weekend we camped with some friends at Presqu'ile provincial park, a short vacation soured by our car getting stranded with a dead batter...

These are not just my favourite but are also the YouTube channels I'd like to promote. I mean, they are rather good and I think you'd enjoy them but they probably haven't come across everyone's feed. Comedy/Entertainment Any Austin https://www.youtube.com/@any_austin Austin imagines life inside various video games using statistics, surveys, and attention to small details. Gentle, relaxing fun. KVN AUST https://www.youtube.com/@KVNAUST KVN explores YouTube's "recycle bin" videos -- videos that aren't recommended and have nearly zero views. Many of them are extremely personal and are a reminder of the grungy, dingy humanity of the early internet. The closest thing to time travel at your fingertips. Memoria https://www.youtube.com/@MemoriaMatters Mem plays not-so-popular games -- sometimes retro, sometimes horror -- and gives an entertaining, thoughtful commentary. Great atmosphere, good times. People Make Games https://www.youtube.com/@PeopleMakeGame...

I do keep wanting to write something, I really do. And so many somethings happen and, well, time, it just kinda goes, you know? I mean, what is my little corner compared to the thunderous rumblings that is going on right now, the death, the destruction, the waves of misery being flung about, waves that are slowly returning to us, a tsunami of restrictions, of scarcity, of blowback. It seems our little ship of fools is careening towards the precipice with no end in sight. I fairly wail for our children, I truly do. My daily routine is much the same as ever, though I have found some time to read some books this year. Namely, I have wholly enjoyed Ferdia Lennon's Glorious Exploits , a story of two Syracusans who recruit some Athenian prisoners into performing the play  Medea . The main character starts as a bit of a nasty prick but does find in himself some shreds of selflessness, some true benevolence, by the end. A short tragedy/comedy but manages to ride the gamut of themes you...

It's hard to have a lot of hope for the future, what with the ongoing, unrelenting genocide, the fire sale of public services, the rise of the extreme right, the incessant slurping of AI slop. This last one truly irks me, that we've just decided that the environmental, cognitive, and societal costs are worth polluting media with a deluge of false imagery and spam. I've heard speculation that this bubble will pop but what will that look like? It definitely feels like things are going to get a lot worse before any relief will come. I've been playing a lot of video games lately.. well, sampling games is more like it, just a taste here, a nibble there. I just find that I don't have the mental endurance to do much else after my evening chores. Even writing this is like pushing a cart through mud, the thick tar of my mind. Namely, I've been really enjoying Sworn ( Steam ), an unabashed copy of Hades but somehow a lot more fun. The game manages to hit the sweet spot of...

Our first family trip this year was to British Columbia to visit family and friends. Pre-trip drama: - Monkey had a bout of vomiting that lasted a couple days and the presence of blood (a tiny bit but still) prompted me to make a last minute visit to the veterinarian. Turns out he has a tumor or cyst in his abdomen, pushing on his liver and stomach. We got him on an  anti-emetic  and a soft food diet but it seemed like his time left was limited. - About a week before the trip our A/C stopped working -- air was coming through but it was not cold. It's an old unit, probably over 20 years, and was leaking coolant through a crack. We had someone re-fill and seal, a temporary measure that is currently allowing us to live sanely. Before the repair we were using fans and sleeping in the basement. The usual tactics. (If you ever need a big fan that blows HARD, get one of these bad boys .) Day 1: June 29th We were supposed to arrive in the afternoon but our Porter flight got pushed bac...

Actually I just wanted to drop a note regarding using Libby/OverDrive and my Kobo  device and the little journey it sent me on over the past hour or so. Basically, I had checked out a book  from the library but it simply would not sync onto my device, which had been working fine for as long as I could remember. Long story short, after much resetting, rebooting, and Googling, it turns out that the Kobo won't show you books that are not in Kobo library, regardless of whether the public library has them or not. I would've minded less if Kobo had at least informed me of this restriction so that I could avoid reading old Reddit posts for the answers. With that off my chest, I can give some quick reviews of my latest reads, in reverse chronological order. - The Unseen World (Liz Moore). While I had problems with the ending and the glossing over some of the technical details, I really enjoyed this story, a mystery of sorts. The relationship between father and daughter, of the father ...

So the Liberals have won themselves a minority government. Or rather, the NDP, by offering lame, too-little-too-late alternatives, transferred their seats to them by people who desperately wanted to avoid having the country headed by the un-pretty hate machine that is Pierre Poilievre. I am not happy that the Liberals won but I am relieved that the Conservatives did not. However, knowing that 40% of the country wanted that unctuous cretin as leader is frankly rather alarming. Yes, the country needs real change but no-one was offering a positive one. Can Carney be pushed to alleviate the woes of his fellow countrymen? Seems doubtful -- a former banker who talks about " catalyz[ing] private investment ", which sounds a lot like subsidizing private development and is not exactly the medicine we're all looking for. Those of us who'd like Canada to avoid becoming another burning hellscape have our work cut out. I while back I wanted to mention that I had to get a new winds...

"Interesting times are here again," is what I was thinking of saying. But then I thought, "Maybe not everyone thinks so." My writing skills certainly could use some panache. The Ontario election has really bummed me out; I was in a funk a for a couple days, musing over the futility of our provincial electoral system, the apathy of the masses, the limp challenges to the Conservatives' frankly absent campaigning. Why should my soul squirm so much? Just another sad little loss in a series of terrible outcomes. I suppose everyone's news diet is sated by the clamour and spectacle going on south of us, a government fire sale that can only end in tears and tear gas, the sputtering final stages of a failed state. It seems every day brings a fresh hell. It was nice to have a winter with real snow, a spotless blanket over everything. I know some people are sick of it but I'll miss its soft stillness when it's gone, an increasingly rare luxury by my numbers. I ...

A few years back I bought a YouTube subscription and it totally transformed my video consumption habits, realizing my fear of spending more time on my phone, something I'd been trying to get a handle of. Which is not to say that I can go back to sitting through commercials, that bane of modern life. Now, instead of listening to podcasts, I listen to YouTube videos, whether in the background of washing dishes or while farming monsters in Path of Exile 2; I'm exposed to more media than ever, for better or worse. My daily journey along the YT algorithm can go to some interesting places, and the other day I encountered one such place:  Why Western Designs Fail in Developing Countries , a video discussing the problems with the OLPC or "One Laptop Per Child" campaign/device, an initiative I myself funded  some seventeen years ago. The "interesting" part to me is having the failure spelled out, precisely and incontrovertibly, a lesson I hope that is heeded by all s...

The end of August saw Sora's fifth birthday party, which we held at Oshawa's Lakeview Park. A lot more kids and parents this time but it mostly went off without a hitch, despite the high wind. It's a nice excuse to see friends, at least. Honestly not much has gone on since I last updated here. I've been using my work holidays, slotting them in here and there to give a respite from the grind of work, and so I've tried a bunch of video games, throwing myself into them. The only one that has stuck so far has been  Kingdom Rush: Frontiers , hitting that sweet spot of ease-of-play and time-per-game. I have been watching a bunch of stuff on Netflix: Blue Eye Samurai (2023): High-tier sword action anime. Highly recommended. 3 Body Problem (2024): Couldn't get past more than a couple episodes as the premise was too difficult to take seriously. Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005): I had missed this when it came out. Really impressed by the characters and story. Finale pays...

And yet life goes on. In June we had a short visit to Montreal, packing in the usual sights and flavours, tempered by the heat and our own waning energy levels. We took great advantage of the hotel's pool, swimming a joy I never tire of, encouraging Sora to get more comfortable in the water. I didn't have much opportunity to pick out my old haunts but I could see that the city has grown since my days there, shimmering halcyon days full of youth and opportunity. Indeed every moment on the streets would bring waves of memories, of friends faded or forgotten, my head lost and spinning and trying to breathe it all in again. Obviously very different now but seeing it anew through Sora's eyes gave some fresh pleasure. We made the trip to the recently updated Biosphere, probably the highlight of the trip, the biomes living up to their names. My heart shatters at the thought of our poor Ontario Science Centre being stripped of its wares, each precious exhibit cast out, the unique, ...

In media people are portrayed as alert and cognizant right up to the moment they pass, able to give a final message to a loved one. Not so with my father, and I feel his death is more typical of the experience — a disinterest in watching or reading anything, increasingly jumbled speech, a loss of any appetite or thirst, just long periods of sleep. Finally a day or more of near-constant sleep, his heart beating slower and slower, until we turned away for a moment and he was gone. Though really he had been dying in varying degrees for weeks, his bodily performance a far cry from even a couple months before. It’s been over a month since the funeral  but the events leading up to it are still fresh in my mind, a history where my dad still lives, still has advice for me, still has smiles for his friends and family. My grief comes and goes, gradually trending to a melancholy, a deep sigh in my day. In truth I have been grieving these past few years as signs of my father’s end would appear...

Hello, my name is Hwan Hong, and I’m Song-ho’s son. I want to thank everyone who came to say goodbye to my father. I know that he would have been very happy to see your faces and pleased to know that there are so many who care about him. I also want to thank my aunt, my sister, my mom, and my wife for helping me write this eulogy. We came to Canada all the way from South Korea 50 years ago, in 1974, just months after my parents were married. Since then, I have come to think of my dad as someone who made time for others, someone who was comfortable working with his hands, and someone who tackled obstacles straight on. My dad valued his friendships a lot and took being a good friend seriously. He would go the extra mile to help a friend; whether it was a golf lesson, a gardening tip, or just cracking a tough Sudoku puzzle, he would find the time. I remember seeing his face light up with that big smile of his whenever he took a call from someone he knew. He loved his friends, and being th...

Back in mid-May my dad was admitted into his local hospital's emergency ward with very low blood pressure, a low sodium level, and a build-up of fluid in his abdomen. We were all pretty concerned, especially my mom, who wanted someone with him around the clock. He was able to get it treated and was released in relatively good spirits a week later; I set myself up at their house to help out. Dad wasted no time to restart his recovery regimen, pushing his way through via spurts of exercise and rest.  We had some home care help, which he very grudgingly accepted. And despite his protests I went ahead and installed some grip bars in the bathrooms and shower. On May 29th, less than a week after his hospital release, we ended up calling for an ambulance. That day my dad had little appetite, complaining of nausea and a sticky, dry mouth, self-medicating himself on a chain of Pepto Bismo's, culminating in his throwing up a dark, oozing mass and in obvious distress. They discovered a b...

I turned fifty last month. We had a small party with old faces, lots of laughs, and, at least for me, a reminder of the life I had before the pandemic, before having a kid, before my colon surgery . That is to say, a good time, and I hope to have many more like it. I do feel older, in practical, daily ways. For one thing my eyes have gotten much worse over the past year, so bad that I find myself looking over my glasses to look at my phone. My skin is just ravaged by this dry winter air, well beyond anything I'd ever experienced. A lifetime of neglect and sun-exposure has finally caught up to me. While I'm not exactly getting heavy I have noticed a softness building up around my torso. So over the past few months I've taken to doing modified burpees as my daily exercise and have been pretty happy with the results. I do them in small bursts, HIIT-style, and that seems about the pace I can afford, both on a time and energy level. I do try to play video games but I definitely ...

My dad has three to six months left to live. My sister and I got the news over the weekend, preceded by a discouraging call from my mom saying she had some "news" about my dad. It turns out that the brachytherapy  he'd started last year (as the laser ablation treatments were proving less and less effective) had greatly damaged his liver and that the cancer was now spreading rapidly. I could immediately tell, as we all sat at the kitchen table, that my parents had some serious things to say. I sensed a slight jump in my heartrate but didn't find tears until later that night, my eyes closed and hearing nothing but death's door hovering closer and closer, now more tangible than ever. My dad was very calm about delivering his sentence -- to him, these past 27 years with liver cancer were all a bonus on top of the life he'd already had: growing up in a Japanese-occupied Korea, escaping the violence of the Korean War by travelling south by train and leaving behind f...

I mostly  enjoyed The Last of Us' first season though there were lots of changes that irked me, such as the portrayal of the self-sustaining commune and the isolated couple. I know it's late but maybe a quick rundown of recently consumed media is called for? House of the Dragon (Season 1): Pretty good. Much more palatable than Game of Thrones, feels a lot less sensational. The Banshees of Inisherin (2022): I enjoyed it, sure. Seems I'm still squeamish, even now. Better Call Saul: Excellent, top tier stuff. The Lalo stuff was a bit overwrought but seeing Jimmy and Kim struggle to make it really hit hard. Invincible (Season 1): I really liked it but I wish they'd used different actors -- having recognizable voices is distracting. The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (Season 1): Awful, just terrible. Feels like a kids show written by an AI -- most of the parts are there but overall doesn't make sense, like drowning in a feverish dream. The dialog is super awkward....

So yeah, I continue to float and bob along with the tides of 2023. The initial shocks and surprises of owning and maintaining a house have mostly dimmed themselves into the background, a hum that periodically bumps into shape, sometimes scary, sometimes less so. I am hopeful for a more relaxed December. Sora is growing so fast, it’s really true what they say. I do miss her being a little peanut but I’m routinely amazed by her development. And as she gets bigger I find watching over her a lot less draining, a lot more interactive. I’ve started watching a lot of chess and thinking about chess. I’m still quite terrible, laughably terrible. I am curious to know if I can get Sora into it. I played and loved Lies of P, definitely my favourite game this year. Diablo 4 was disappointing and Starfield was just so tedious and dead. I am currently really into Sekiro, a game I’d always wanted to try. I do wonder how many more years I can play these flicky-reaction games. Speaking of years, my eyes...

So yes, the move happened, and like all moves was a haze of mind-numbing packing, desperate rushing, meals on the run. We hired help to pack and move, which really, is the only option, but the experience remained a heavy energy drain. MJ and Sora stayed at the apartment while I got the cats accustomed to their new home. I'd anticipated that the larger space would ease their stress, and it has measurably, but not as as completely as I'd hoped -- they remain aloof at best to each other. How's Whitby, you ask? While my bitter disappointment of moving out of Toronto has lost the worst of its sting, the wound is reopened whenever I go outside, whether to walk the missing sidewalks, or ride the infrequent buses, or drive the inscrutably clogged roads. We're located on the edge of the downtown, such as it is, which simply highlights the slapdash zoning and lack of any kind of urban planning. The library is really nice though . We are mostly settled: The boxes are gone, the fur...

Back in September we took a family trip to Peterborough -- a sort of holiday for Sora and I and a regular work day for MJ. I guess I must be getting old because I found the 2+ hour drive draining, a real slog. The Prius is a pretty comfortable ride but my body complains from sitting that way for so long. Arriving in Peterborough, my first time, felt both familiar and strange. I could see how the freshly resurfaced downtown attempted to hide some dusty history, bringing to mind the downtowns of Kitchener and Guelph, which I guess makes sense as this is another university town: The same 60s low-rise downtown, pockmarked with signs of poverty, the same pre-war homes, many chopped into multi-unit rentals, the same bafflingly congested roads that compete with inadequate public transit. Our hotel was located just outside the downtown and served well enough. Sora found the experience exhilarating, excited by the new bed, a new room with just mama and papa. We ordered some Greek takeout, very...